February 9th
February 9th
This is all about inviting you in, Jesus. And I also thought it was probably going to be about giving myself permission to do something solely for the joy of it as well.
It’s turned into something else. Not unrelated, though, I guess. It’s turned into me seeing, finding out, how hard it is to invite you into the things I am doing for joy.
Not: how hard it is to invite you into my life. You have all of it. I’m not actually deliberately holding anything back. It’s not: You can’t come into this. It’s: I don’t know how to open the door. There’s something in the way, and I don’t know what it is. I want to open this door to you, and I thought it was just about setting aside the time to do it, more consciously. But it’s turned out to be: I don’t know how to do this. How to invite you into joy.
There’s been a lot of grief. I cut out these pieces this morning, talking to a friend who has also known deep grief. Deep grief and a deep journey into the heart of God, and the grace and wisdom that is in her blesses me hugely. Gives me permission to walk my own journey.
Our lives were whole cloth, both of us, and then suddenly it was cut to pieces. Trusting than you will make something lovely from the pieces: that’s hard for me at the moment. I see it in her; but in myself I just see cobbled together patches, barely holding at the seams.
It’s turned into something else. Not unrelated, though, I guess. It’s turned into me seeing, finding out, how hard it is to invite you into the things I am doing for joy.
Not: how hard it is to invite you into my life. You have all of it. I’m not actually deliberately holding anything back. It’s not: You can’t come into this. It’s: I don’t know how to open the door. There’s something in the way, and I don’t know what it is. I want to open this door to you, and I thought it was just about setting aside the time to do it, more consciously. But it’s turned out to be: I don’t know how to do this. How to invite you into joy.
There’s been a lot of grief. I cut out these pieces this morning, talking to a friend who has also known deep grief. Deep grief and a deep journey into the heart of God, and the grace and wisdom that is in her blesses me hugely. Gives me permission to walk my own journey.
Our lives were whole cloth, both of us, and then suddenly it was cut to pieces. Trusting than you will make something lovely from the pieces: that’s hard for me at the moment. I see it in her; but in myself I just see cobbled together patches, barely holding at the seams.
Comments
Post a Comment